I guess it isn't fair to write
a post about being super overwhelmed and just leave it at that. A week ago I felt paralyzed by everything that needed to be done and by the things that had happened which were out of my control.
Last week a very dear friend of mine came to visit. God knew I needed her here. We've been friends for nearly a decade. There's just something about being with people who know you well...people who don't mind if you can't muster up words to say anything important. I felt like I had nothing to give. I couldn't even cook her meals, because of the state of my kitchen.
The truth is, I've been so busy since we moved from Washington this summer, that I haven't really settled in yet. We stayed with family in California for a month, then moved into a hotel for two months while we waited for escrow to close. We've lived in our new home six weeks now, all the while doing major renovations. It's been a crazy few months, to say the least.
But what I've loved about this crazy season is seeing how relentless Jesus has been in pursuing my heart. I can't really explain it, but I feel it. I've doubted Him and questioned Him, even blamed Him for things. But then I find my bearings again because He rescues me from self-pity. I'll never know why. I've been ugly these past few months. I won't lie.
I just can't stop thinking about and grieving over what we left behind in Spokane. Have you ever heard Sara Groves' song "
Painting Pictures of Egypt"?
...The places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend
I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned
When I went to her concert last month in Spokane, she opened with this song. I was hoping she'd sing it that evening, but she
opened with it. It made me cry, of course. My sweet friend, Andi, held my hand and said, "That was for
you." I think it was.
I've always thought I relate well with the Israelites. Something about needing to learn the same lessons over and over again, and how God parted the Red Sea for them and it just wasn't enough...as if God would really perform miracles on their behalf and then dump them off in the wilderness to fend for themselves. I love this line from Joy Williams' song, "
Beautiful Redemption"
I've walked with sand from the ocean floor on my feet
To turn and say, 'you left me'
I wonder if the Israelites still had sand from the Red Sea's floor between their toes when they spewed out complaints from doubting hearts. Unfortunately, I can relate.
This past Saturday I told my husband and my friend from out-of-town that I felt paralyzed, like I couldn't function among the stress of the boxes and the paint and the microwave and the laundry. Later that evening we found out that her flight home, which was scheduled for the following morning, was cancelled due to weather. Cancelled. Just like that. Our airport is tiny, so her chances of getting home the next day were very slim. Phil thought it would be best if she made arrangements to fly out of the busier airport 3 hours north of us. So we (she and I) packed our things and left right away. We decided to stay overnight in a hotel near the airport so we could be there first thing in the morning. What a whirlwind!
I must say, this whole cancelled flight thing was no accident. Do I really think Jesus would allow that flight to be cancelled so He could restore my soul in the midst of all the chaos? Yes, I think He would do that and I think He did. I realize there were probably a few more factors that played into this whole thing, but my weary heart was certainly one of them. I was gifted several hours of drive-time and the chance to listen to music that turned my heart to worshiping Jesus instead of doubting Him. It truly was a gift. I had this thought last night, that maybe my kitchen isn't the only thing being renovated around here.
This was one of my favorite albums when I was a girl. I still have all of these songs memorized! My girls and I have been listening to a few of them on you tube this morning.
And here it is, March already. We're enjoying early signs of spring around here--much, much earlier than we did in Spokane. Last month was a busy month for us. We were able to bring home 4 sheep, 5 lambs (a set of twins included), 1 ram, and 9 bulls. I was a little intimidated at first. My husband grew up on a cattle ranch, I grew up in San Francisco. I honestly didn't know how much I'd enjoy farm life. It's so relaxing to grab a cup of coffee, roll up my jeans, slip on my rubber boots and head out to the pasture. The animals know us now and aren't so skittish when we come near. I can walk amongst them or just sit on the fence rails for little visits. I can even clean out the sheep's stall with the pitchfork and add new hay for them to bed in. This is big for me, especially since I happened upon a dead rat the first time I went into the tack room to gather hay.
It's been fun to watch my boys work with their dad out in the fields. One boy has taken to the sheep, the other to the cattle. A shepherd and a rancher. I can see from my kitchen window scenes as sweet as this. But I think my favorite so far is seeing my husband sitting on the fence rails with his coffee in hand and cattle all around. This is a wonderful sight to see as I stand at my kitchen sink to do the morning's dishes.
The girls are precious, too, stomping around the fields in their rubber boots. One girl, in particular, loves the animals and she loves to walk around the perimeter of the pasture checking the fences with her daddy. But the other girl prefers to stay inside to draw and color and dance. I still enjoy being indoors, too, because I'm in love with my bright, new kitchen.
We've picked up a couple of books on homesteading. As beneficial as this sounds, it's also very intimidating to one who grew up in the city. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks this way, but every time I read through the Little House series I beat myself up for being so dependent on modern conveniences and technology.
Super fun paper for making a valentine banner
As I glanced through one of my journals tonight, I saw this page from last winter.
We made this yummy toffee a few nights ago. Have you tried it? It's super easy.
All you do is lay out saltine crackers on a baking sheet...
Bring 1 cup of brown sugar and1 cup of butter to a boil, pour it over the crackers, bake it at 400 degrees for about five minutes, then pour 2 cups of chocolate chips on top. The chocolate chips will melt as you spread them over the crackers. I like to sprinkle chopped almonds on top.
Stick the pan in the fridge for about an hour then crack the toffee into pieces!
This is the living room from the front door.
Looking into the dining room from the living room
Looking into the living room from the dining room
Looking into the dining room from the kitchen--there used to be a wall there. I love my new view!
In the upstairs hallway looking into 2 of the bedrooms
View of the front yard from the living room window
I know this is blurry, but I wanted you all to check out our view tonight...I had to zoom in so you could see the mountain.
I know you can't tell from this picture, but its peak was a bright, bright pink at dusk.
We had such a great Christmas this year in our new home! I think we're finally starting to feel settled. Little by little we're getting things unpacked and put away. I laughed this morning when I thought about adding Christmas presents to the mix. And next week we have a birthday with a certain young man turning 9. It just never ends! Boxes, boxes and more boxes.
We miss our Spokane winters and all the snow, so instead we play in the leaf pile out front.
The kitchen is coming along nicely. I was able to unpack my dishes last week. No more washing plastic plates in the bathroom sink!!!
I had such a difficult time taking pictures of the new countertops. I didn't want to use the flash, because it would glare against the surface, but without the flash, the picture is dark and you can't see the movement of the pattern.
Here's a picture of the sample off the website. I wanted a white marble look, but everything I read said marble isn't the best choice for kitchen countertops. I was able to find something in quartz that resembles marble.
I thought I'd take a few minutes to post pictures of our kitchen...things are really coming along!
See this post for a few before pictures.
